11:48
An error message flashes.
No memory card! And so my camera is debilitated by the absence of a plastic
square weighing a gram. Instantly I mourn. Today will go unrecorded, be
forgotten.
But no! I will photograph
with ink instead of JPEG. I must see through my cornea instead of my camera. It
is harder.
12:15
I follow the throaty din
of chorus frogs, expecting to find a secluded vernal pool. Instead I stumble
across a roadside ditch containing one bathtub’s worth of water. The surface is
iridescent with oil. But the frogs are here, dozens. I squat. They stop. I gaze
at their projecting snouts, at their smallness. At their disregard for the oily
water. Then I rise, and the frogs splash.
1:15
I sit reading in a forest
of trees younger than my parents. Nothing stirs in the midday sun except a
Hairy Woodpecker dissecting an ash. I stare at the page. Paper. Wood. Trees.
These trees around me would have been saplings when my parents were students at
Wooster. Woodcock habitat. This copse was woodcock habitat half a century ago.
They would have twittered and tumbled overhead at dusk.
Some of these trees are
my age. Neither a sapling nor a tree.
A Lapland Longspur
rattles over. Ten minutes later, a pipit. It pays to sit outside.
2:00
If you are concerned
about the proliferation of trash, then by all means start an organization in
your community to do something about it. But before—and while—you organize,
pick up some cans and bottles yourself. Wendell Berry, “Think Little”
My
campaign of the day is to improve earth by picking up bottles. With fresh eyes
I find them everywhere—Budweisers emerging from the leaf litter, a massive
whisky bottle jammed in a low crotch. My latest addition is a Gatorade
bottle—Glacier Cherry—cast away beside the trail, a testament to some hiker’s
clumsiness.
2:30
A
woodpecker that could be a flag alights on a nearby snag. It is, I realize, the
most beautiful thing I have seen. It is perpetually wounded, chronically
bleeding crimson from the head.
2:40
Ice
shatters. Startled, I prematurely abort my woodpecker musings and seek the
cause. Nothing. I gaze at the reservoir. Then, a partially submerged
tree—younger than me—shudders. Ice snaps from its lower branches. It is not the
breeze. I watch, but all falls still. A beaver? An angry catfish the size of a
beaver? I do not know.
2:52
A
young man rushes by on a yellow mountain bike, his calves mud-splattered. He is
younger than me, and that says a lot; I am young. I wonder why he is here. Is
he lonely, wishing that a buddy or lady friend could accompany him? Or is he
reveling in the solitude, escaping the chaos of high school (college?) And, as
I follow his tire tread in the dirt, I wonder if he is wondering about me.
3:11
I
walk briskly, trying to maintain a healthy distance from Backpack Man, a hiker
behind me on the trail. I have nothing against him; I simply want to be alone.
He appears to be roughly my parents’ age. He hauls a massive tan backpack,
military looking. I wonder what it contains. Camping equipment? Camera gear? I
try not to step on the bike tracks left in the clay-colored mud by the young
man.
Fast
footfalls approach. I look up to see a trail runner, older than me, but not by
much. His short career has already been successful (engineer?) I decide that he
has a serious girlfriend—but, she’s out of town (visiting her parents?)
Otherwise, she would be here.
This
forest, this trail—empty, a stage for solitude, but full, full of people and
their stories.
3:21
I
reach the road. A large coffee cup—McCafe, 24 ounces—lies flattened beside the
pavement. I stoop to collect it (even though it isn’t a bottle). Another runner
passes me. I feel guilty but immediately scold myself—come now, you don’t need to run every day. And anyway, I’m walking.
Miles. But, sluggish miles punctuated by frequent writing stops—my pulse
probably has not exceeded one hundred beats per minute. In the ditch I spot a
sodden car mat advertising BEECHMONT
FORD. It also is
not a bottle, but I pick it up anyway.
3:35
My
car is intact. The only other soul in the lot is a man (slightly younger than
my parents, I judge) and his bedraggled dog that is at least part border
collie. The man has had a hard life. I force myself to scope the lake, thinking
that the heat distortion will have abated. It is worse; the ducks are just as
unidentifiable as before. A large truck—an aggressive, growling truck—pulls up
behind me. A voice speaks, surely addressing me, as I am the only proximate
person. I turn and see two rangers. I cannot hear over the engine. I walk to
the window. The younger ranger—the one in the passenger seat, asks, “That guy
have his pants down earlier?” I swear those are his exact words. I hesitate;
the passenger ranger laughs, realizing the absurdity of his question. The
driver says nothing, shows nothing. I say what I know, which is nothing, and
they thank me and leave. The man and the dog leave shortly thereafter. I notice
he drives a purple Ford pickup. Perhaps the mat that is now in my trunk was
once his.
3:51
I sit
on the cool concrete in the shadow of my car, writing about the rangers and the
man with his pants possibly down. A Ford Focus pulls up next to me, driven by a
young woman in a baseball cap and aviators. Not looking up, I hear her exit the
car and walk away. Perhaps the mat that is now in my trunk was once hers. I
imagine running up to her with the mat and asking, “Excuse me, did you lose
this?” I imagine becoming her friend and falling in love. I see hikes in the
woods, long coffee dates on rainy days.
4:04
People
drive slowly, windows down, listening to frogs. At least I hope so.
4:07
Vultures
and crows overhead
both
black birds
but
neither blackbirds.
4:15
I am
on a new trail, the Cedar Pond trail, and I have reached what is presumably
Cedar Pond, a small, murky pond without frogs. The trail is neglected,
overgrown. I sit in the damp leaves and admire the stunted canopy of Lycopodium. Without thinking, I begin pishing and am surprised to
realize that it is the first pishing incident of the day. Two
chickadees—seeking real estate, I speculate—wander over, scold half-heartedly,
and then resume their house hunt.
4:20
A
butterfly erupts from the trail. I see a flash of orange. An anglewing! It
alights on a wizened stump, and, as it fans its wings, I glimpse the silver
crescent on its underwing. Not a Question Mark. But there are multiple commas.
I wished for my camera. I wished I could memorize the markings and sketch them
like a laser printer. I knew I could not, so instead I admired the terra cotta
wings splotched with molasses. I tried to accept not learning its first name. Comma sp. it remains.
4:40
I sit
in my car, contemplating my next move, staring out at the young forest, maple
dominated. Probably Reds, judging by the low ground. I try to imagine my
parents as trees. And how trees would be as parents. If John and Carol Gilbert
were trees, I suppose I would be as well. What sort of tree would I like to be?
Perhaps a sycamore—a slim, stately sycamore guarding the lip of a ravine, roots
penetrating ancient shale. Yellow-throated Warblers will sing from my crown. As
I age and hollow out, raccoons and Barred Owls will make their homes in my
heart.
5:12
Sit in the forest
long enough, quietly enough, and you will hear the leaf litter breathe. I am
not joking. That carpet of decomposition is alive. Fallen leaves rustle without
the lightest breeze. Wolf spiders dashing after prey, perhaps. Or salamanders
or sowbugs or Wood Frogs shifting in their hiding spots. Or—perhaps it is the
sound of plants growing, of shoots pushing through last year’s death. Or maybe
it is causeless…