40 Miles to Grand Marais

          At the midpoint of my college career, I spent a day hiking at Pictured Rocks with a girl that I loved. The lakeshore was so gorgeous that I swore I would return to hike the entire forty-mile stretch.

          Well, I have graduated, and the girl is gone, but the trail persists, as does my desire to hike it. And so I found myself on the south shore of Superior, hoisting my pack to my back and walking into the woods.

At this point, I always question whether I'll ever see my car again...

         The obligatory gear photo. In my opinion, the most notable accoutrement is the $2.79 poop trowel I purchased at McLean's Hardware in Kalkaska. Way better than blowing $27.99 for the same thing at REI.

           No stove, no pasta, no tent. In accordance with the featherweight principle, I packed only tortillas, granola, and peanut butter for fuel. In contradiction to this rule, I bore the extra weight of my binoculars. I punctuated my rapid pace with frequent birding stops. I did adhere to the chickadee principle: every time I heard a chickadee, I would stop and pish.

           Think of chickadees as lighter fluid; without them, it is difficult to create an avian conflagration. But, a squirt of chickadee will ignite a blaze of mobbing warblers. Rewarded by my observance of this rule, I leafed through flitting legions of Black-throated Greens, Magnolias, Redstarts, and Blackpolls.

           Bears are a concern when hiking the North Country Trail. Black bears rarely attack humans (trust me, the qualifier rarely is scant comfort when you lack the ironclad protection of a tent), but they readily attack unsecured food. Fortunately, the park service provides bear lockers at backcountry campgrounds, saving me the trouble of suspending my food from tree limbs.

           It was too good to be true. I awoke for my second day of hiking, stumbled over to the bear locker, and found a jagged hole in my granola bag. “Shit!” I cursed, inspecting the damage. These boxes, while invincible against bears, can apparently be penetrated by mice. Upon closer inspection, I found a single Wasabi pea mixed in the bag. Without thinking, I popped it in my mouth. As it navigated my esophagus, I realized that the mouse deposited it there, probably using its mouth to transport the pea. So, if you find me fever-stricken and delirious in the next few days, assume Hantavirus.

           Solo hiking is good medicine. Various people expressed surprise or concern about my solitary adventure (those bears!), but I believe that everyone should embark on such a journey every now and then. I had uninterrupted hours to ponder the deep mysteries of life—or, more accurately, to wonder when I could stop for lunch. Without pressure from hiking companions, I felt free to chase birds or spontaneously stop, sit, and read.

           I shared a campground on my second night with Aaron and Josh, young ex-Marines. We gathered around the communal fire ring, warming ourselves around the burning driftwood. “So, are you gonna double back and hike back to Munising?” asked Aaron, a scrappy fellow with a ready laugh.

          “Naw, I was planning on hitchhiking back,” I said.

           “No way! Does that actually work?” asked Aaron.

           “Yeah—do you just stick your thumb out?” asked Josh.

           “Yeah—“ I started.

           “Do you hold a knife in your hand in case you need to gut the bastard?” Aaron interrupted.

           “What? No! I mean, I think most people are nice…” I said.

           “Yeah, I agree, just testing you.”

            I regaled them with my hitchhiking adventures. Then, they told stories of their soldiering days in Iraq. Eying Josh’s stumpy index finger, I asked, “So, is there cool story behind your missing fingertip?”

            Josh laughed. “Ah, nah—I stuck it in a meat grinder when I was three.”

            Later, a young couple from Madison joined our gathering. “Where you headed?” Aaron demanded.

            “Grand Marais,” said Andrew. “Then we’re planning on hitchhiking back to Munising…”

            “No way. That’s what this crazy motherfucker is doing,” said Josh. We all laughed.

            “Well…let the best hitchhiker win,” said Capri, withdrawing a bottle of tequila from her pack the way Legolas would whip an arrow from his quiver.

 The couple passed their tequila bottle, I shared my bag of Ghirardelli chocolate chips, and the marines gave us gastronomical advice for our next visit to Chicago. The tequila tasted like batteries but helped ward off the damp chill. We stood around the fire until late that night. Just as we discussed bed, coyotes began to howl.

            “Uh-oh, looks like you’re fucked,” observed Aaron, gesturing to my tarp.

            “Yeah! We got a space in our tent if you want to get away from them,” said Josh.

            “Thanks…uh, I think I’ll be fine…”

            “Yeah, that’s the sound of, ‘I’M BITING THIS ANIMAL NECK, AND THERE’S BLOOD EVERYWHERE, BUT IT’S AWESOME!’” said Aaron. I went to bed nervous.

It keeps out water...just not animals.

            I awoke early the next morning, refreshed and unmolested by wild animals. I quietly packed up and hiked onward, never to see my newfound friends again—or so I thought.

            Instead of hiking on the trail, I tumbled down the dune trail to the beach. Like 98% of all other humans, I enjoy a long walk on the beach, but my primary motivation was to find shorebirds. But the beach was empty; I walked for miles, wet sand squishing underfoot, wishing for a beach decorated with turnstones and knots. Finally, after three miles, a cluster of rocks sprouted legs and trotted along the wavelets. Sanderlings—three of them, and a Black-bellied Plover.

            I herded the shorebirds ahead of me for at least half a mile before they finally took flight. As I tracked them in my binoculars, I spotted a wheeling flock of terns over the lake, then a knot of ducks overhead. Ah, the morning flight! I plopped down in the sand, wiggled my butt into the sand, and leaned against my pack. Binoculars up, elbows propped on my knees, I raked the waters for birds. The terns—at least thirty of them—flew loops up and down the beach. Common, Forster’s—hell, I don’t know. I have a hard enough time identifying them when they’re sitting on a sandbar thirty feet away. Half a mile out? They will be forever commemorated in eBird as Common/Forster’s Tern.

            A snarled line of Red-necked Grebes struggled to remain airborne. Mergansers strafed the horizon, and anonymous ducks danced beyond my binocular range. The terns made another pass, and before I knew it, I had been sitting in the sand for an hour. I reluctantly resurrected myself and walked on. One cannot dawdle on a fourteen-mile day.

            But dawdle I did, taking a two-hour break at midday to read Same Kind of Different As Me and munch on my mouse-chewed granola. It was nearly dark by the time I reached my campsite—uninhabited and secluded behind a dune. For some reason—perhaps the lack of other people, or perhaps the heap of bear scat in the trail—I felt anxiety bordering on panic about sleeping in the open. The logical solution, I reasoned, was to build a roaring fire to repel any evil-minded bears.

            So, I foraged for downed logs and created a commendable fire. I kept vigil late into the night. Here I made a critical mistake. In an attempt to dry my shoes, I positioned them too close to the coals. A few minutes later, the offensive odor of melting rubber interrupted my reading. Not only were my shoes still damp, their laces were now burned off. By now it was too late for me to care about bears any more, so I built up the fire and stretched out my sleeping bag beside the flames.

            I awoke not to an inquisitive bear paw but to tentative raindrops. In the amount of time it takes to ingest a peanut butter burrito, I was on the trail again, eager to polish off the last four miles of the trail.

            My loose shoe did not cause significant delays; I reached Grand Marais by midmorning. The meager traffic concerned me. A half-day of hitchhiking seemed probable. But—miraculously, the first car to round the curve slowed to pick me up. I wedged my bulging pack into the runty backseat of the Mazda and zipped off in the company of two charming lads from Farmington Hills.

Three miles down the road, two figures burst from the woods, thumbs aloft, faces hopeful. They were none other than—Andrew and Capri?! My chauffeur braked but did not stop. “Wish we could pick them up…it would be fun, but we don’t have room!” he said. I waved as we sped away.

My kind benefactors refused payment for gas and even detoured several miles to drop me by my car. I promptly drove to town and gorged myself on a vegetable-laden Subway sandwich, enjoying all the vitamins and minerals lacking from my backpacking diet. After watching a Peregrine fly laps around Munising Bay and terrorize Horned Grebes, I reluctantly navigated toward the Lower Peninsula.

Two days later, a Berylline Hummingbird appeared in Grand Marais. First state record. Upon reading the news, I began to swear into my computer screen until I realized that I don’t chase rarities.

I haven’t been completely successful deceiving myself. Had the bird appeared a couple days earlier, I would have walked those extra couple miles to see it. Lister or not, a Berylline Hummingbird—a freaking Berylline Hummingbird!—would be an epic finale to any backpacking trip, but especially one in Michigan.

Ah, well. I can find happiness with Hantavirus and wrecked shoes.

Who needs Berylline Hummingbirds when you've got hemlock-lined tannic streams?